so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
