So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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