she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
