you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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