Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
