1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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