i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You ruined the universe
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
