The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
