Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
