I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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