trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
