Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
