just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
