For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
