I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
