I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
