my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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