Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
