party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
