hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
