While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
