I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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