Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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