dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I could make wine with my vomit
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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