I met the friendliest cop last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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