Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
