Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
