you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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