i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you had me at cake vodka
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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