what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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