YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
