im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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