I got chris browned last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Be still, my beating vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
