I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
