return my video game
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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