Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
