She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love having hate sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
