So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
