I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
