hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
