I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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