We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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