finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
