One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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