if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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