how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
