i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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