so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
