I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this will be a night to untag.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
