I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
