Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
