just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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