I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
