I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk is not a location!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
