i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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